Halloween, Lists and Life Management...

Halloween was amazing. I’m writing this little post game story early on Saturday morning. In bed as the sun starts to come in my window. At o’dark thirty, my children are already downstairs working on Lucky Charms, candy and the remote.

Wednesday started off with a bang, with Norah telling me her costume was not good enough, that she didn’t have a helmet and that she wasn’t feeling it! Now Joan of Arc was committed to this costume for weeks, and without question she was having “homemade remorse”. So with love and affection, and more love, (please read here that I had a full on Mom temper-tantrum, where I expressed my frustration for her lack of gratitude for my maternal sacrifices) I dropped them off at school and promptly drove to the brand spanking new grocery store a few blocks from home. Now in the midst of all of this fantastic home life, I had made a shopping list of the strange things I needed at the store: Bags of candy corn, 48 cupcakes, deodorant, superfine sugar and Gluten Free Bread (which is always found in the freezer section.)

Now why would I pick the day before the busiest day of the year to try on a new store for size is beyond even me. I walk into this beautiful new Safeway (Vons for my west coast peeps) and feel my heart start pounding, it’s as if they turned the whole store upside down and shook it. Nothing was where it should be. So as I realized that it's freezing in there, I begin my quest for cupcakes, and immediately realize that I have no list. And lord help me if I forget something.... I somehow manage to get out alive with cupcakes, sausage, greek yogurt, m&ms as a substitute for the candy corn I never found, deodorant, three things of mushrooms (I thought I would make homemade soup, no words for that decision as the shrooms now rot in my fridge).

I stumble home cold, tired, frustrated and fall into a puddle of tears.

You see, perfection met my list and it kinda all fell apart.

So a tear filled phone call to Jeff at work, no less, yes he is amazing.  An hour later, I’m curled up on the sofa giggling at Kathleen Sebelius getting crushed in House Hearings and two hours later I'm sound asleep, I then slept intermittently for the next 6 hrs before I slept for another 10 and Jeff is tapped to be super parent again. He has pickup under control.

We (my amazing team) are so used to these flares, I sent Harvard a text that just said, “pain is stupid bad, let’s talk, I’m a mess/grumpy” and he knows that’s code for 911, and that I need a quick coach and counsel on my current cocktail. Now the problem with the cocktail is that I have two choices: one take the meds and become a zombie (like the pun) or tough it out and rip the heads off anyone who comes within 100 feet of me. Its not an easy choice. If I need to drive, or pick up the kids, or show up for fantastic Halloween parties, I have a very short window, before the pain overtakes my will; and I'm hurting and there is only time and bed that can help me re-group. Oh and I wake up HUNG-OVER... It’s the worst feeling ever, to wake from a medically assisted sleep.

Now I should go on about the fabulousness of Halloween, how I rode out the pain, made the day spectacular for the kids, partied with both kids at school, one second grade boo bingo game, saw orange cupcake frosting on the faces of 40+ kids; gave out full sized candy for the first 75 of the over 200 kids that stopped by.... But I won’t burden you with my fabulousness and make you feel jealous. Just know that It was amazing!

Friday is All Saints Day a Holy Day of Obligation for Catholics (code for, you head to mass). I was still in my pjs at 1 and Jeff was home from work a little early and I went straight to bed where I never left. And I’m writing this in my same pjs from bed.

Today, I’m celebrating my Mom’s 70th birthday, we have big plans and I need my A game for her. My mother is so easy for birthdays, she just wants to be in the room with her beauties, have a scotch, eat a feast made by Jeff and just delight in us. Its so easy, and I hate that I’m so tired and miserable. I want nothing more than for this day to be fantastic, and she just wants me at my best, but my tank is empty.

At 7:30 last night, the stunningly beautiful, Clive Owen entered my room with toast, tea and a beautiful smile, and he said, ”Do you think, just maybe, that your to-do list may be driving this flare?” “Why can’t you just do simple and good enough, why must everything be fabulous?”  I’m gob-smacked, shut the front door stunned. Me and my list are the best commitment I have, they keep me productive, accomplished, and unbelievably fabulous. I mean I only have a few things on my list:

A fancy semi formal dinner to attend next weekend.
Have a booth at the holiday bazaar that requires me to make ornaments, wreaths, lavender sachets, and holy candles.
Have a small hospital procedure three days before the bazaar.
Jeff is leaving on business for a week before Thanksgiving.
Will be hosting Thanksgiving.

I mean who isn’t busy in November.... and I love everything I’m doing sans the medical procedure and I don’t know how not to do them all at the expense of my family. It just makes me want to pull the covers over my head....

I stink at priorities, I want it all, and when I say yes, It is always do-able till the snow ball gathers steam...

I have some soul searching to do... I know it...Ugh, I know it... I really have an over-commitment issue.

But till then, I’m looking forward to the sunshine and Mom’s birthday.

Peace be with you,


photo credit: Courtney Dirks via photopin cc