Saving the universe, Obi-Wan and other unrelated topics….
I’m currently in recovery, the Thanksgiving weekend nearly killed me. I was on the couch from Friday till well I’m still on the couch…
Harvard said on Thursday that my lungs on the x-ray looked better than me… again WITH THE SH### BEDSIDE MANNER…. And we love him, like the way I love my Godfather Sandy, who sadly passed away when Ian was a baby, and even worse never met Norah. The way he said my name, it made me smile, he would look at me and say KT in the sweetest most loving way, another amazing man who taught me with the smallest acts of kindness, how I deserved to be loved…
All you Dad’s out there, you are on notice, this is your job, to teach girls how to be loved. By the example of how you love your wife, how you treat your Mom, how you treat your little girls…
Sorry for the side-bar, needed to get that out, back to recovery… So Harvard, is still working on fixing the lungs, it’s a drag because the best way to slow the pain and the f-ing cough, is with this high powered cough syrup, (and associated other drugs) that by late in the day is knocking me out...
So today, I’m listening to Paul McCartney singing chestnuts roasting on an open fire (the Christmas song) it is really very sweet, McCartney singing xmas classics…and its crazy foggy outside and I’m on the couch as my peeps get ready for Mass. I haven’t really talked about Mass and my faith life…it hurts my heart that I can’t attend Mass on a more regular basis. I can't due to several factors, temperature, my cough, the way my body is behaving, how much Mass can tax me for the whole day… it’s a litany of issues.
I love being a Catholic, being Catholic is like being in a dysfunctional family. That’s exactly why I love it…. You have your crazy relatives who say totally inappropriate stuff at the wrong time, you have relatives that behave badly, really badly, and you have no words to express your disgust or outrage, but every week you head off for family dinner and get the reassurance that you are family. That the good outweighs the bad. You share an amazing meal with your family of origin, all dysfunctional and messy but steeped in what you hold dear in your core. The meal that is familiar and frankly the one you need in your soul, the meal that is only fulfilled with Christ. That’s why I’m a Catholic. I do messy, I do uncomfortable, I do soul nourishing, I do my faith…..
One way I take the edge off not attending Mass is by having some of the girls I love most bring me communion. The other way is I read a ton! You know my girls are Eucharistic ministers, an approved job for women in the church… but I will stay silent on the role of women religious and other wise because, we are just girls after all….. Any who, sorry for that one too. I read a slew of blogs, email subscriptions and various web sites. My favorite is my daily email from the Henri Nouwen society…. If you don’t get this daily email, you should… three minutes of love for your soul. Feeding your soul with grace, it’s the best thing…
I've found that feeding my faith is a big piece of why I’m still here….my work is not done. I have a husband, children, and a whole lot of doctors to still impart with my own brand of foolishness…so if you don’t get it… get it. Henri is the best of the best…. a Priest who remained celibate as he struggled with his sexuality, a man who yearned for love, a humanitarian, an amazing writer, and yep a Catholic. He so would have been at my family dinners… Read him. Seriously!
O.K. back to the daily stuff. So my Clive Owen look alike, Jeffrey has had a hideous several days since Thanksgiving. Two days in class at AU, a marathon trip to Seattle, home for 10 hours most of them sleeping, heads to Antietam to walk the battle field for a leadership class all day Saturday, in the F-ING bone chilling cold, to talk LEADERSHIP at Antietam the most f-ed up, bloodiest day in our history. Then my sweet husband rolled back home to spend a miserable dinner with (us) his loving family, where we all complained, bickered, whined and glared…. Through the first lighting of our advent wreath that was so missing the love of Christ. Christ didn't join us at the table that night….then miraculously we all kissed, hugged and went to bed to make Sunday oh so much better….
Which gets me to Obi-Wan. So after I sent myself to bed for displaying fantastic table manners, winning personality and frankly just being steeped in love... I watched two hours of a terrorist series on Cinemax and realized that I was just cold and tired…
And in blows Ian… “Mom, got a second for a quick snuggle?” YES I’m MOTHER OF THE F-ING YEAR…. “Of course lovie, come on in...What’s up?” ”well mom, sorry about dinner, I went through all my Lego stickers and made you this card of Obi-Wan, you know he is your favorite Jedi Knight,” “ Gulp, thank you sweetie,”….” and look Mom he is strong, powerful and always does the right thing…”
Now my sweet Ian is so right. First off Obi-Wan, take your pick Sir Alex Guinness or Ewan McGregor, hello nice eye candy. Lucas made the best character of all time, honest, trust worthy, the best friend, fearless… and of course trying to save the galaxy…. I looked at the card with tears in my eyes, and all arms and legs Ian tried to curl up on me while I coughed and just smelled his clean soapy little man smell and just remembered…. We are fine, just all a little tired, all just ready for daddy to be home… just ready to hunker down and have our family schedule back. We do have Christ here, we are all good…
So, Jeff and I are up early Sunday trying to pull life together as he leaves again for a few hours for Norfolk till Wednesday… I’m forbidden from church since I sound like something between a barking seal and a dying fish, who’s mouth just keeps moving! Any who at one point I say to Norah, "hey sweetie quick question", she is sitting at the island on the computer, “Mom, listen can I get back to you, I’m a little busy", and you know what she is doing? "I’m saving the galaxy Mom!" Well you go girl! You can never have too many Jedi!
May you find Christ in the small and large this first Sunday of Advent.
My prayers are for more Jedi, more patience, more peace... And a whole lot of family dinners, however you can…
Namaste, my brother and sisters…Namaste