Thankfulness and My Miracle….
It is black Friday, while everyone is out shopping the Ferg’s do what we do best. Chillax… Jeff went off to work, his favorite day of the work year… no one to bother him, he drinks coffee, files, organizes emails… it must be spring cleaning in a way for him…
While the rest of his peeps eat left over pie for breakfast, and eat some more for lunch, still in our pjs, we just relax. Jeff is always home by 3 on black Friday and we are still getting our bearings even though we all have been up since before 7. We had a very late Wednesday and Thursday, prepping, cooking, and cleaning for Thanksgiving. So on Friday, I am exhausted. No reason to get out of pjs.
Thanksgiving has capped off for me a very busy month… I put myself out of my comfort zone and did a Christmas bazaar of my work. I created Christmas wreathes, signs scrabble phrases, ornaments, flower arrangements… I got a huge positive response. That confidence launched me into starting an online business on Etsy. My dear friend Jess always says that she tries to force herself out of her comfort zone.
That really speaks to me. Since I have been battling this disease, I have lost my confidence… I’m not sure how long it has been, it just has taken a beating for what seems like forever. I worry more, trust my gut less, it is like the disease has robbed me of my fearlessness….
Once I realized that, I was all over it, knowing it had to be shut down. I have spent so much time waiting and praying for a miracle, looking for the answers, questioning why I wasn't well…
I forgot that I am the miracle…
I am still standing, still breathing, and raising these beauties, still loving my man…. I am my own miracle… Just say it out loud. (And say it loud) It is the most powerful thing you can say…
And once you own it, I mean REALLY own it, you are unstoppable.
Everything seems possible. I am no longer crippled by the “what if”, and the “do they like me” or the desire to please everyone.
I just take the day as it is.
And if it’s a great day, I burn the candle to the quick, if it’s a horrible day, I just enjoy HBO. It seems that this realization has made me tireless in a different way… I am no longer reaching out for security….. I am able to offer it for a change. I am grateful for November. It has moved me in a new path, a bazaar, an Etsy store… and a new level of compassion.
What astounds me is that I never thought I could be fulfilled staying at home, working from home. I thought, I would need to be fed by people… When you are an extravert’s, extravert; people are like sunlight and air. You have to have it to survive.
And I thought this disease had robbed me of that piece of my soul. But, what I have learned is that I can fill this part of my spirit through making little tableaus, little gifts for people’s homes… My trinkets are part of my healing… My work is my soul that I am sharing… My spirit is in the work and that work is the miracle.
The smile on someone’s face as they place my craft on their dresser, or door… They are carrying my wellness, my fearlessness, my lemonade in the life that happened while I was planning a different one….
But this life is far richer than I ever dreamed… My eyes are so clear to life, to the present, to the gifts of this family…to the children.
It is all a miracle… I am a miracle.
Thank you for bearing witness to my miracle.