I force myself to be uncomfortable, to try things that are scary, difficult and make me nervous.
This week was no exception. I shared with a couple of my close girls that I have been mulling or even wrestling with how to do more with PilgrimageGal. After talking through some ideas, we came up with the plan for me to give a small talk/guided discussion for my Hawaii Girl's prayer group. I was a little nervous. I don't generally get nervous about public speaking, 5 or 100. Fine. Public speaking has always been easy for me. What I worry about, is being meaningful and not wasting your time. I don't have all the answers, but I do have a story, and a very strong faith to my core.
So, last week as I drove the Beauties to school, I asked my Lovies to pray for me. I told them that I was going to give my first PilgrimageGal talk. Ian said, "Mom, I've got you covered, I will pray for you and you will be great." Ian usually prays for Legos, so this was a two-fer, acknowledgement of my existence and the willingness to pray for me. What more could the mother of a 10 year old boy really need, right?! My Beauties need to understand that we all struggle, that life and living can even make grown-ups nervous. When Ian tells us life is hard; I want him to understand, we get it. During our three minute car ride, I try just that with our quick daily prayer. Sometimes,we say a Guardian Angel, Hail Mary or maybe they listen while I apologize and say the Act of Contrition for having a fantastic mom moment before 8am!
After car-prayer and drop-off, I went to share my truth. My talk went well; our discussion was beautiful, personal, supportive, and loving. As women, we share many of the same struggles, and share similar joys. We may have different views on politics, or different faith traditions; but gather any group of women together and we share far more than we differ. And let's be honest, we can make this world far better over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.
After my talk with these amazing women, the discussion turned back on me. Eeek. My girls turned the tables, telling me we need to roll this out to more of the women in our community. So with the help of the fantastic women of my parish community, and the help of my bestie from NY, (small aside, every girl needs at least one bestie from NY, they are the ones who have your back ALWAYS.) Within a few hours, a date was selected, a group to partner with was found and my first larger talk to share the story of PilgrimageGal was suddenly on the calendar.
My talk centers around faith, family and being the best you. I will discuss how my serious health issues have shaped my faith, the best lessons that I have learned and how our largest struggles are often a catalyst for the greatest blessings. I also feel passionately, that as women we need to dispel this notion that we have two sides to us, the one we show others and the one we keep hidden, our true selves. I have out of necessity had to remove that barrier, and it is amazing what can happen when we drop that facade. It takes far too much energy to hold it up.
I'm nervous, let me say it... Because as a perfectionist, I want to rock my girl's world, and make them proud for trusting in me. I want it all to be perfect.
However, what I know to be true is this: I have little control over any of this.
This morning of reflection and discussion, is simply the work of the Holy Spirit... The Spirit is working quietly, beautifully and making room for this day. The women in the room will walk together, because of the movement of the Spirit. We fail to realize how often the Spirit of God is working and moving in ways we can't see or understand.
This is when we must trust.
And let go.
When we must get out of the way.
So picture me with my best girls, we removed the training wheels and they are steadying my blue bike... I'm pedaling down the road to the next mile post on this part of the Pilgrimage. The best part, as I look over my shoulder; I can hear them cheering and celebrating and running along beside me!
My girls are the truest example of the Divine working. This is not me, it is so much bigger than me... It's the Spirit, and I need to keep pedalling to see where the Spirit takes us.
If you live in the DC area and are free on Saturday morning, June, 28th send me a note. I would love to meet you and share a morning of prayer and reflection.
And Yes, I am talking to you!
For any new friends walking with me today... I end many of my posts the same.
I use the word "Namaste" which is Sanskrit, and loosely translated it means: "The Divine in me bows to the Divine in you." Or as I see it, the Christ in me bows to the Christ in you.
Namaste my sisters, Namaste....and much love to you and yours.
Kathryn
photo credit:
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