I was always under the impression that Summer is all ice cream, sunscreen, and lazy days...The promise of relaxation, the opportunity to travel, the fun in the sun with the kids...
That never really happened for us and I’m not sure why...
But anywho, without much fanfare, we are back at it... All at once, the school grind, the up early, not in bed early enough, the please eat some protein for breakfast and the chorus of, “yes you do in fact need both deodorant and a shower”, to my 10 year old. Seriously?... Tell me we won’t be discussing this at 20?!
That coupled with some grade A meltdowns, by all of us, had me longing for the old 1970’s, “Calgon, Take me Away!”, commercials.
So here we are the first week back, a new school and new everything. I wish I could say that the transition has been an easy one... But, as I held my sweet daughter in my arms sobbing last night, I knew this was going to be a process... My sweet girl is a disaster, it is all too much.
Too many changes, too much hard stuff...
When you have the gift of raising an old soul, parenting is a little unusual. She challenges me in ways that are staggering. Norah makes me on a regular basis wonder, if in fact we are reincarnated, because she has insights that seven year olds should not understand.
You see she struggles at times, because her beautiful body is seven and so is her heart... So when this beauty understands things beyond her years....it’s her heart that pays the price of youth; and that body, well it crumbles under the weight of years of inexperience. And it usually includes some rolling around on the floor, in a spectacular Oscar worthy meltdown. As a mother it is agonizing to watch...
The cross of raising an old soul.
My seven year old Irish Princess is as much a warrior as she is a Princess... God love her, everyday she is back at it, working on her tough challenges, finding her way.
Last night we talked about the changes and challenges with the new school. She really loves the school, her teacher, the opportunity to get lunch from a cafeteria... She made a sweet friend in the first minute of the first day... All great things for my little extrovert. But she misses the familiar. She misses her peeps, wants both worlds and explains it all so effortlessly...
She wants all of it not to hurt, to feel confusing or conflicting...
She is tired of being uncomfortable. Aren't we all? She loves and hates the change all at the same time.
As we snuggled, her long legs draped across me, her chipped hot pink and glittered toe nails and the tears making my shirt damp, she began to explain to me all of her worries...
She correctly senses, without being told, that her best buddy in the neighborhood, daughter of a Coast Guard officer, will eventually be transferred to a new assignment and city. My Princess just instinctively knows that her BFF can’t stay here forever, and she said, “A and I will never live this close together ever again!” “We just need lots more time and being in different schools takes up my time.” On top of all that, she is tired of answering questions about why she left her beloved school... Her answer, “It’s complicated”.
It’s complicated, who thinks to say that at 7!
And she is missing her “Em”. The worlds best college sophomore, who has from Norah’s birth; held her, rocked her, biked with her, pushed her on a swing, watched her and put her to bed more than any other person besides Jeff and I. She lives for ‘her’ Em, and when Em leaves, its just a hole in her heart where Em should be. The funny thing is, this summer, they didn’t get that much time together, but just seeing her everyday, for a smile and hug was enough...
When Em was leaving for school Norah made her a card, put Smarties candies all over, and gave her the biggest hug... We then sat on the curb and watched her Dad drive her back to College... More change...
Now as a woman of faith, it’s a learning opportunity to teach about living in the present, to bathe ourselves in the moments we share, and not focus on what will be. To live in today. But, how do we teach authenticity when it’s the thing as adults we struggle with too? I’m reminded, that this is why faith is so important to me.... I don’t have half the answers for her, but I’m so grateful that I believe that there is something bigger than this.
We are all called to be present in this life... We teach others, in our ability to love, to be open to possibilities. To our willingness to share ourselves with the world, to give a piece of ourselves to everyone we meet. To live it... To love.
And what I have tried to teach the beauties, is that loving is sometimes painful, truly loving can hurt, but; it is in this ability to love that we meet God, or the Divine. We don’t learn about ourselves in our successes, our fancy dress. We learn and are drawn closer to who we are called to be, in the messy, in the miserable, in the uncomfortable. It’s in the darkest of night that we meet daybreak, it is in the moments when we “give in” and tolerate the intolerable, that we find ourselves. It is the hardest lesson that we face daily... That learning in the messy is what makes us our best selves.
When we look around and see who is standing next to us, who is holding out the hand to pull us up... That is the chance to meet the Divine here on Earth... As Christians it is about seeing Christ in others. All Creeds have a similar concept.
So the question to ask yourself today: is who does that for you? Can you do it for yourself? Or even better... Who are you willing to sacrifice for? Who are you willing to stand in the fire for, who are you willing to get messy for?
For that answer is the truest test, of friendship, fidelity, of honesty.
So, as I walk with my Norah, and teach her that the journey is difficult at times, I squeeze her hand a little tighter, hold her a little closer, and remind her that she never walks alone... I can still see her ponytail bounce as she walks through the school doors and gasp, that she never, ever looks back to see me watch her...because she knows, I'm with her every step.
As you walk on this portion of the journey with me....I pray that your journey is just a little easier...
The Divine in Me bows to the Divine in You....
xo
Kathryn
PilgrimageGal
photo credit:
via