Special note: this is the post I told myself I would never write, the one about my Jeffrey, but it slipped-out... So here is the insight into my very private world, the stuff I usually don't share... But here it is and "share it, I shall" as Master Yoda would say!

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Who are your 3 am calls? And who is calling you in crisis? I like to think that even in my lesser state, I'm still on many people's short-list. Now my list of folks that I would roll out of bed for at 3 am is very long... They may never call me, but if they did, no questions asked, I would be wherever and whenever and my people know who they are...

I think it would be a good party theme.... Come celebrate, you are someone I would roll outta bed for at 3 am! Come, celebrate, have a drink and get your t-shirt! "I'm on Kathryn's 3 am list"... "She will help me in my hour of need!"

But in all seriousness, that is why making this list is so important. Who are you in-it for? Who matters in your life? Who do you love? Your answer is telling; and I think you need to have twice as many people to roll-out of bed for; as would roll-out of bed for you! This tells you your love quotient... What is your number?, how many people are on these lists?

Who you love and how you love... It is a timeless question. Are you living openly, are you participating in your life, are you living and loving to your fullness? Or are you a bystander? Tough questions for everyone,

especially

my warrior sisters.

When my health was just starting to spin out of control... My dear friend got engaged, she was so happy and I was thrilled for her. She asked of me the most loving request. She asked me to stand in as the celebrant if you will.... Talk about honored. I have been asked to do some fun things, and some important things; but never asked to share and celebrate the joining of two lives. I was devastated when a few weeks later, I had to pull out of attending her wedding and not join in the happiness to see her marry her husband.

But truthfully, I still have no idea of what she saw in me, to ask me to have such an important job.

I love being married, it is the hardest work you will ever do, but it is the best work you can ever find. When done well, you are better than when you start; and you grow into the person you are called to be.

I believe loving another is so critical. My definitions of love is wider... I mean are you committed fully to another?

Now I have had a ringside seat on relationships of every kind that have gone wrong.

And I for a time, I tried to sabotage my own. I call my 20's, my terrible 2's! It was only when I stopped fighting myself, stopped over-thinking, and realized that Jeffrey and I were unique as ourselves, and what we had was truly ours alone... Not the successes or failures of our parent's relationships... Something Jeffrey understood and I needed to learn...

When I started to find myself, and see what Jeffrey saw in me, I was finally able to really meet myself and my husband. And learn how to be happy...

I married Jeffrey 6 weeks after I turned 22... It is still shocking how young I was, and how little I knew of love at the time. How much I needed to learn and that marriage is about both independence and interdependence.

Jeffrey is my biggest teacher, the smartest guy in every room, the most patient, humble, and compassionate man. He is what every Mother wishes for her daughter. Gentle and protective husband and father. On a good day my beloved possesses a 5th grade sense of humor; laughs at my foolishness and delights in my spirit... He is my world... The love of my life. And without question, I love him more today than yesterday...

I'm very blessed to say that we will be married 21 years this fall...

I see myself today, even in this body that is broken, as having more to offer than I did when I was "healthy". My illness has transformed me, into a different woman, friend and lover. And without over sharing, my health has made loving more beautiful, more intimate, more intense. When you and your partner are working to make your love intimate, in a body that is broken, wracked with pain, when breathing, pressure, contact are excruciating... You become cleaver, creative and you find meaningful ways of sharing and loving.

Maybe it's being married forever now, having children, or friendships that are new, and some that are years, and years in the making...

But I have had a paradigm shift about relationships. (I need to add a little caveat here: except in acts of violence, that is not nor will ever be a relationship)

Every encounter is the opportunity for a relationship, and each one has a message, life as scavenger hunt, every person is offering us a clue, a lesson to take, to learn from... The bad ones sometimes have bigger lessons than the good. But each one tells us something about ourselves and where we are going.

That to me is key... I take nothing for granted, nothing... Life moves daily like the tide and sand on the beach. These are the lessons, they don't teach in marriage prep., because there is no way to wrap your head around it, no way to prepare... How life changes, how it moves.

So make you list, make and meet some new 3 am people...

The longer the list, the fuller your life...

Share some love this week...

on your journey...

Kathryn,

Pilgrimage Gal

Some other notes from the Pilgrimage:

I'm so grateful to all my sister chronic disease sufferers, I'm with you in spirit, thanks for your support on this little journey...

And to all of you on the road with me...

In an effort to talk to more of you... I added a place on the side to contact me, this sends me a private email for my eyes only... So If you want to reach me that is a great way.

If you love the journey, don't forget to sign-up for my email updates.... you sign-up via your email then you are magically sent a "confirmation email" back. You have to open/click on the confirmation email, if you don't get one check your spam folder.

I read each and every comment and try my best to answer them all... So please let me know what you think and leave a comment below.

photo credit:

via

photopin