Spiritual Leadership...

The kitchen table is a great place for family discussions on faith...

Hello my Pilgrims... It's been too long. First, let's cover the important news of life in California.  All is extraordinary, the weather warm and delightful, and we are all healthy. While I haven't been writing, you are not far from my thoughts and are always in my prayers. A quick recap on my journey.

Since early January, I have taken on more volunteering opportunities at the Mission. The duties of my volunteer work has shifted my time from my writing to sharing my gifts with fellow parishioners.  I'm coordinating small faith sharing groups; about 80 of my fellow parishioners are participating in a six week program. The program runs on Thursday nights and Friday mornings. I have loved meeting so many of my fellow parishioners, while still running my own small group. And I still teach my weekly first grade religious education class; my student Beauties are adorable and I love the time I spend with them and their parents. Which means my weekdays are full with prepping for all these responsibilities.

That gives you a full sense of my "professional life"-- but I'm sure you really want to know how my walk on the pilgrimage is progressing.  I have answers for that too! Jeff's travel schedule has been consistent and just this past week he was in DC for a full week of meetings. I have shared that Jeff travels! He travels one to two nights every week; we have accepted that level of travel. When Jeff and I reminded the Beauties that he would be gone for a whole week... well that didn't go as well.  Ian my schedule keeper, expressed his disappointment, "A whole week?!?!".   We reminded the Beauties that Dad is the breadwinner; that his traveling is part of the responsibility of his job.  I made some off hand 1950's comment that Dad is the Head of our Household and with that Mini-me spoke up, "Well that makes sense. Dad is the Head of the Household, but Mom you are the Spiritual Head of our family."

I guess I am...

One of my dear friends, told me the story of the meeting she and her future husband had with their rabbi. The rabbi explained that as a couple they would determine how religious/observant they would be as a family. It's a wonderful comment, that I wish more folks would consider. I think for most families, their faith participation isn't considered--it's just done.  Done out of routine, or out of guilt, or the expectations of others...

Like taxes. You don't think about it, you just do it.  That Pilgrims is what we need to discuss.

If you aren't actively navigating you and your family's spiritual journey--Don't panic, I'm going to help you fix that today. It will be the easiest and most joyful change in your home life, if you are willing to make a few simple modification to your daily routine. I'm asking you to change the order of your to-do list--not add anything, just re-prioritize.

As the "Spiritual Head" of this household; I try to focus most of my daily life to recognizing and improving our spiritual life. I'm thinking about it during laundry, before dinner prep, many times throughout the day, I'm considering their faith life. How am I developing their faith?  Is it working to ensure they have a personal relationship with the Divine? I don't need to nag Ian every time to say grace before he dives into dinner (Norah does that.)

No, I'm in the tool box business. Yes, learning your prayers are important, but what matters most to me is that you have the Divine in your thoughts throughout the day. That the Divine is in your decision making process, in your encounters with strangers and friends alike.

I give my Beauties the same marching orders daily. You know the amazing morning routine of bickering, backpacks hitting ever surface, complaints about lunch boxes, violins, doors being opened with too much force--I lovingly remind them the hammer question that they know is coming at dinner:

"Who was the face of Christ for you today? And were you the face of Christ for someone else?"

Boom... that is Divine in action, no matter your tradition, it is the question that resonates. It's not just Sunday that they consider the Divine--it's hopefully in all they do, daily.

Another way to say it, "Where did you see the Divine/God in action today?  How did the Divine/God work through you today?"

I went to Catholic schools, I loved every second. It was my plan that my children would do the same. They aren't, both my children needed academic supports that our Catholic school could not provide. That's not a criticism, it was just our reality. That decision has given me a different world view and different challenges. I have had to use different muscles, I have had to take on more of the religious education, but more than that; I have had to work harder to create the opportunities of living in faith.

I admit that my weekly priority is faith, but it's not theirs. They are worried about sports, extra-curricular activities, school, homework, even Jeff's travel.  The question is, how can I weave the gift of faith into their daily living?

How do I do that?

Well it's more than just words and it's more than simple actions. It's about the priorities in our family life. You can take your children to religious services every week; but if it's not in your home all the time, you are not living in faith.

You can't farm it out. This isn't an activity that you can pay someone else to complete. 

You have to be active at living it. Are you discussing tough subjects with your children and explaining how your religious views frame your political, social and civic duties? Are you actively making prayer a part of your daily journey? Do you explain that you read articles or books on your faith? Are you discussing the homily/sermon after you go to religious services?  And if it was a crummy homily/sermon are you offering a different take?  I ask my Beauties what did you hear the priest say? Then Jeff and I offer what we have learned.

These are simple first steps.  Their are so many other opportunities that I'm sure oodles of you are doing. So share away. Let's not keep our ideas a secret, let us share how we are raising faith filled humans to live and support our world.

And I promise to be in closer touch.... I have missed all of you. Till we meet again on the road.

The Divine in me bows and honors the Divine in each of you.

xo

Kathryn

PilgrimageGal

Thank you for walking with me this week and always. I do use social media to keep in touch. You are welcome to find me on 

Facebook

, 

Instagram

 or comment below. I personally answer all my correspondence... and I'm always glad to meet another traveler. 

photo credit:

One of Soft Details

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(license)

Advent Candles...

 A long time ago, in a state far, far away...

My Pilgrims, how I miss you. I have been keeping an unbelievable pace since my trip back East at the end of October.  Each and every activity has been filled with many joys... I thought I would take this third week of Advent to share them with you.

Some people call the third week of Advent, "Pink candle week," but its actual name is Gaudete Sunday. The word "Gaudete" comes from Latin which means simply "Rejoice". That seems like a spectacular idea for this post. To offer some hope, some joy and to just rejoice this Advent and Christmas season.  Here are a few of the times thus far, I've been able to "Rejoice" and see the Divine this Advent.

I remember telling Jeff before we had the Beauties, that we wouldn't be "Santa" parents. That we would be raising our children so they would understand that Christ was the ONLY reason for the season. Ian was born in August, the first Christmas card we sent was a photo taken at home with Ian in his baptismal gown. (The gown made by a dear friend from the fabric of my wedding dress.) First year was amazing, I patted myself on the back.

Then along came year two, when Ian was a chubby toddler. I put him on the back of a little tractor with a Santa hat and Christmas tree.  I fell down the Santa hole and haven't turned back.  Both my Beauties believe Santa brings their gifts and that Jesus is what we are celebrating.  Since the second Christmas card, Santa and Christ have been a part of every Christmas... The greatest lesson I have learned with time, and Jeff's patience, is that you can create the Season that offers a multitude of gifts. Not just the ones that you thought you needed. Once again, with the grace of the Divine, I have learned their are oodles of reasons to rejoice this Gaudete Sunday.

As a family, we like having the traditional southern Sunday afternoon dinner, just like the one my grandmother used to host. While I will never master her friend chicken and gravy.... If only. We have created a space where Sunday is for God, family, a little football, and dinner at 4:30. That is Sunday in sunny Cali. Last weekend we were a disaster, all of us going in different directions, and Jeff made the executive decision that what I needed was hot tea, a bowl of soup and my bed. So in lieu of Sunday dinner, Jeff whipped up a kiddo dinner. Our rental cottage is tiny. You can roll over in your bed and all of us can hear you. I was sitting in the living room and Ian was in the kitchen and I heard Ian singing. He was singing the closing song from the family Mass. And he was something! Belting it out from the kitchen. You can hear in some churches the clapping, and swaying and just belting out in song... Ian offered us that from the kitchen.

"Soon and very soon,

We are going to see the King;

Soon and very soon,

We are going to see the King;

Soon and very soon,

We are going to see the King;

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

We are going to see the King."

I said Ian, you sound great. Ian's reply was a classic. "Mom, I've got an ear-worm and when you have an ear worm... well you just need to sing." An ear worm for all of you who don't know, is that song or commercial that gets stuck in your head and you can't shake it.  As a mother, nothing is more gratifying that hearing that your child has a religious ear-worm stuck...

A classic Advent moment to rejoice.

Last Monday, Norah and I were invited by our dear friends to light the second nights candles of Hanukkah. Norah's classmate and her family are our soulmates, we share the beauty and love of God. Norah and I each got to light the candles of the menorah and to celebrate with joy the miracle of God's unending love.  It is so affirming to share the deep love of faith with good friends. The children singing, playing with the dreidel and of course the yummy food! Our friends were gracious and loving hosts, opening their home to us to love and worship together. It will always be a special part of our Advent season to rejoice and celebrate Hanukkah with such dear friends.

Friday, I met with my prayer group, I made a simple box lunch for each of us and we had some egg nog and prayed together in our special little room at the Mission. Whenever I'm with my little prayer group, it is never lost on me that this was how the early Christians gathered. They ate, prayed and celebrated the joy of small faith communities. Having never visted the Holy Land, living in Santa Barabara often makes me feel closer to the world Christ lived. With our sunshine, the ocean, the terrain filled with fruit and olive trees. Many of my friends who have visited have also commented on the similarities.

But even more, I'm left to realize that in all parts of the world, individuals just like us are gathering to light the candles of Hanukkah, or light an Advent wreath and pray. Many of us take for granted that we can worship in the open.  But, across the globe, far too many worship in places that are not safe, where persecution is the norm, where safety is not guaranteed.

A powerful reminder to be the best of your faith tradition. Don't hide it, wear it with love, honesty and be willing to share your faith, your traditions.  Less fear, more love.

That friends is what is at the heart of a stable in Bethlehem.

My prayer for you is simple, may your face be washed in the love and light of the Divine. May you recognize it and rejoice in all the moments.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

Kathryn

PilgrimageGal

Who Are Your Poor...

Ice cream makes everything better...

O'my goodness it's been two weeks... How are you?! It's been too busy for words around here.

I had a birthday--wahoo 45! Jeff had a birthday, we had some parties. There was cake and it was delicious. We have been to the beach and the pool.

The Beauties went back to school--Thank you, Jesus!

There have been tears, ice cream, tears and ice cream, a diet coke and that is just me.

I went on a retreat for a day of reflection, Jeff has been away, home and away again; we have hosted and fed family members the last two weekends. There has been lots of cooking, cleaning, preparing and organizing. We located school supplies, did school shopping and hunted for hidden backpacks missing since June. We also have been in a heat wave, which makes us all cranky and hot. Did I mention we have no A/C? And one of the Beauties threw up in the car on the way to church.

In other words, nothing much going on here...

After writing all of this I feel like I need a diet coke and a shot of tequila. Welcome to the end of August. Where you find out what you are made of and it's never pretty.

This is why mothers should never write down what we do in a given day.  Some days it's just overwhelming, just shocking what we accomplish.  Which is why I was so happy to sit in mass today. Just sit and listen to the Word of God. I had no expectations, just gratitude for being in a house of worship. Father Charles Talley is our pastor and a Franciscan. We have been attending the family mass with the Beauties. One of the best things about going to services designed for children is the homily or sermon is crystal clear. I don't know about you, but sometimes I need very clear and very easy.

Now when I say easy, I mean easy to comprehend not always easy to do in practice. Father was explaining to the children something I thought was really profound. He explained to the children that helping the "poor" isn't always about the homeless person on the street. He explained beautifully that poor sometimes means the people that maybe just need a little of our time or a little more of our help than others in our daily journey. The people right in front of us, in our workplace, school and in our family.

What constitutes the poor in my life and how am I supporting them? I realized the poor in my life may in fact have more money, but may just be more isolated or lonely. Maybe it's the guy that's a little different who still sits alone everyday at lunch. We always tell our Beauties to be kind with the child who is a little different, but do we do the same? Do we have lunch or grab a coffee with the different or difficult person in our office? Do you ever invite "that relative" over for dinner? Or what about just talking to the single widower on your block? Just maybe drag his cans to the curb for trash day. We all sometimes stick to our own friends at school pick-up or drop-off, not out of meanness, but often just out of our own selfishness to catch up with our people. Or because we are stuck in our regular routine. Sometimes the "poor" are the moms who stand just a little to the side at drop off and hang back until the last second at pick-up; it's amazing how a hello and invite to the park play-date can change their day, or even just, "how are you doing this week?".

Helping the "poor" may also mean making yourself uncomfortable for the greater good. Jeffrey and I did that this week. It's not easy--believe me we have the sweaty and shaky hands to prove that!  If you will indulge me, I have a little story:

I'm not sure how it is in other faiths, but when you change parishes in the catholic faith you fill out a registration card with your vital information. The card also includes volunteer opportunities. Jeff and I checked boxes for a number of volunteer ministries. What we didn't know is that our new parish is really good a getting you to commit!  In our tradition, lay ministers read the readings from the Old Testament and the epistles or letters of the New Testament, while a priest or deacon reads from the Gospel (or the stories of Jesus' life found in the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.) Jeffrey and I were all ready to read in the children's mass you know the easy, no pressure a little less formal--no less important. When we got the email for training, we were happy to attend a training session. It quickly became crystal clear that we were being trained to do the readings for the main LARGE mission church, the one that I don't want to know the capacity because I may faint, not the sweet little no pressure chapel. The Mission is stunning and the readers are top notch, professional, everything is buttoned up and beautiful. I love attending mass in the main Mission church. It's glorious. Jeff and I are "B" team people and are so good with that. Who wants to have sweaty hands when you get up in front of way too many. We want to proclaim the Word to folks who are trying to distract their two year old from melting down.  Not to folks who may actually be listening, that's way too much pressure. Apparently, the lector coordinator thinks Jeffrey and I are ready--GULP. We have been asked to read at both the main Mission church in addition to reading at the children's mass in the sweet chapel. We were both stunned, gobsmacked. Did I mention we were stunned? We did what we are flawless at; we stalled.  We asked for a few days to pray, discern and think about it. That is code for how do we politely get out of doing this without looking like jerks. Yep, we wanted out.

Why? Well who needs to be uncomfortable every time they go to mass. Aren't there better people or other folks or frankly anyone else who can read in the large church. Isn't it enough--we were willing to do it in the small chapel?!?! And then the lector coordinator lovingly told us that this is a vocation and it was no coincidence we were there.  The Holy Spirit was calling us. Hammer moment, from our cartoon days when one character would get hit over the head and see stars. We were seeing our own stars, being nervous, uncomfortable and having sweaty palms wasn't good enough.  It just wasn't. We were being called to serve others, and some of those others may be the very poor that needed to hear the Word of God from us. The Divine was telling Kathryn and Jeff that life isn't supposed to always be comfortable.

What I failed to tell you in the beginning of the story was that we took Ian and Norah to the training session. They saw us practice the readings in the car and then stand up and essentially audition. My dress was wet with sweat from nerves. Nerves because I wanted to do well, wanted the Beauties and Jeff to be proud.  I wanted to in my own ambitious way, "kill it". To pat-myself-on the back, to know in my heart, I did it, I had made myself uncomfortable and then would happily go back to the kid's mass in the chapel where we belonged. With a little luck, hopefully never having to read on the big stage.

When we were done after 1.5 hrs, pushing  6 pm, I was hot, tired and I wanted a martini, but instead we settled on ice cream.  Jeff and I split French vanilla with peanut butter cups. The Beauties each telling us that we were the best readers. It was a lovely moment. Jeff and I trying to figure our how we were going to politely defer, we are so busy, I've got health issues, Jeff travels, surely you really don't want us...

What I didn't expect was the true gift the next morning--the first day of school. Both kids were nervous and excited and when Ian had a few tears leak out of his lashes, I was able to share my truth. "Hey Ian, I don't know if you realized yesterday I was soooo nervous and so was Dad. Did you realize that?"  He looked up with his soft and loving blue eyes, his long dark eyelashes wet with tears, when another tear accidentally leaked out, "No, Mom I didn't."  I went on to explain that I was clammy, gross, nervous and maybe a little nauseous to try something new, my hands were a little shaky and I worried what others would think, worried I would make mistakes, worried I just wasn't good enough. But I knew in my heart that I had to try anyway. I told him I understood exactly where he was. He looked at both of us, nodded and jumped-up, brushed the errant tears and dashed off; Ian turned just long enough to say, "I've got this."

Later, after school, over ice cream he would say he had a fantastic first day.

My email to the lector coordinator that evening said, "We are in."

The Fergusons are all in, looking for the poor in the unexpected places; looking for the people who just need to feel a little more love in their life. Those who may need a smile, a hug, or maybe just to hear the word of God from a very nervous reader or her cute husband.

Namaste.

The Divine in me bows to the Divine in you.

xo,

Kathryn

PilgrimageGal

Thank you for walking with me this week and always. I do use social media to keep in touch. You are welcome to find me on

FaceBook

, 

Instagram

or comment below. I personally answer all my correspondence...and I'm always glad to meet another traveler. xo

Photo Credit: PilgrimageGuy

Tips for Friendships with Chronic Disease...

My life is different from everyone in my inner circle. My closest friends and my family don't have the medical struggles that I face. I won the medical lottery, I have been diagnosed with multiple severe and at times life-threatening rare diseases. In addition to managing other conditions that have sprung up as a result. Having a rare disease means my life and that of my family is never predictable. Which could make maintaining lasting relationships difficult. But, that has not been my experience.

Over the years, I have learned how to educate my friends and family so they know all about my health.  While I never get a day off from management of my health; I don't want my relationships to be about my health.  You have to find the balance between sharing your truth and still living life. It's a fine line, I want friends and family to understand why I may not be at my best without them feeling sorry for me.  At times, I have tried to make light of some of my struggles with humor to put people at ease. I also work diligently to explain how hard it is to live in a body that has betrayed me and share that truth with honesty and love.

In October of 2014, my husband Jeffrey and I uprooted our family of four from the suburbs of Washington, DC and moved west to Santa Barbara, CA. I grew up in the DC area, my life, my family, my doctors, and my best girlfriends in the entire world live there. While moving from your support network is hard for any reason; it is especially difficult when you have developed networks of individuals that understand and love you with all of your health issues.

The move was the best decision for my immediate family. My health is better on the West Coast, more even temperatures. No more horrible cold winters and hot humid summers. Santa Barbara has less people, less traffic and a relaxed slower lifestyle which all agree with our family. The move came with sacrifices, leaving my support system and having to forge new ones. I have found that when you are honest from the start about your health it makes relationships a little easier. Everyone in this world has struggles, finding and maintaining friends will be so much easier when you up front share yours.

At a certain point, Jeffrey and I realized that we would have to tolerate the intolerable, and manage my health. I would likely 

never have remission

and never be cured. What was essential was within this space, I needed to find tools to live the best life in my body, to make peace with this life.  I needed to strengthen the relationships with the people who could understand this. The ones that loved me at my core, not the girl who "used to" do activities with them.

I found that my "true" friends are the friends who wanted to "be with me" not "do things with me". The two are quite different.  We often forget that underneath the label of chronic illness we are still ourselves.  Each of us is still funny, smart, charming and the life of the party. Often just the party location may need to change. My life is filled with a circle of love, the best girlfriends one could ever dream. I still listen, laugh and be the best friend ever... It just means I'm on the sofa or on the phone, not drinking martinis at midnight. (I'll just add that most "healthy" mothers of two aren't doing that either!)

Here are my tips for sustaining lasting friendships while struggling with severe chronic illness.

My chronic disease is like having a perpetual toddler so plan ahead and have a back up plan

. My husband and I like to joke that we have three children, our two real kids and the perpetual toddler that is my chronic disease. Everyone has seen a toddler lose it in a public place; well some mornings I wake up and realize that is exactly what my body is doing to me. For no reason my body has decided that it is not going to behave today, that means it's going to be a bad day. We all love toddlers; but we all know they can be a hot mess. You never know when she is going to have a meltdown (i.e. a "flare") and toddlers are amazing in that they are fantastically unpredictable. Toddlers have personalities, charming, delightful but one wrong look, twenty minutes overdue for a nap and you are going to pay the price. My body does the same to me, too long in the hot sun, too long on my feet when I should be resting. My body will shut down and I can be in bed for days. So be flexible, be ready to change plans and know that you will need to cancel some activities on short notice.

How about a wine and cheese party in bed

: When was the last time you had your best girlfriends over for a glass of wine? When I have been in bed too long thanks to my health, I know I need to see my girls. The ones who make me laugh and will talk to me about the normal stuff--let's be honest the life gossip!  One of my favorites is when I had a cocktail party in my bedroom. You got it. We had snacks and wine on my bed. They grab the glasses, they know where to find my wine, and carry it all upstairs. My girlfriends come over climb up on my king size bed. I sipped on some tea and they have wine (always in my Waterford crystal glasses) and eat cheese and fruit.  We laughed and giggled for a couple of hours, they went home at seven happy to have been with me and I was sound asleep at 8.  Jeff may have slept on a bed with a bunch of crumbs that night, but I slept perfectly, with a smile on my face for days.

I'm the queen of text parties

. How often does it happen that I feel great only to have my children come down with the dreaded stomach flu the one night in three months I'm ready to go out. My solution, text parties during movie award season. My besties and I send group texts discussing who wore what and who shouldn't have! It's the best. I have had one of my girls over and we are texting the one girl who was home with a husband traveling or a sick kiddo. It reminds us that no matter a friend's schedule or health, we can all still enjoy an evening together. You will also be shocked how often you laugh out loud when reading texts.

I still love lunch dates with my best girlfriends.

How about take-out lunch on your sofa. Who needs to sit in a restaurant all dressed up when your biggest accomplishment for the day is brushing your teeth and showering. I have a favorite Thai place that has the most amazing take-out. It also tastes just as amazing on my sofa in my sweats.

Movie night, coffee or brunch, what about yoga in your home?

My sister gave me a world class meditation class in the sunlight of my living room floor. Just the two of us, her voice and the best meditation warmed by the sun's healing rays. My living room has also been home to therapy sessions, impromptu yoga class and the best prayer group meetings.

Being a good friend also means being able to step outside your illness.  

Being sent to bed is very different from choosing to spend the day in bed. I've lost track of how many times I have been sent to bed by my doctors. 

Everyone has struggles in their life. Everyone. When you live with chronic disease it sometimes is easy to get caught up in your world of doctors and treatments and forget that your closest friends lives are still spinning too. I've been in bed countless times and taken some serious phone calls talking my friends through crisis. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that it's not always about you.

As the world's biggest type A, I love to have my make-up on, and my house perfect, but what I have learned is that no one really cares, when your best friends haven't seen you for however long. They really don't care... They really just want to be with you, to laugh, see you and to know that you are one day closer to being back up and running the world.  You don't have to leave your home when you aren't at your best.  No, you sometimes just need to make sure the key is under the door mat.

As always, the Divine in me bows to the Divine in you.--Namaste

If this post resonated with you, then I think you'll like; 

Chronic disease is like a bad boyfriend

.

I love to hear from you, please friend me on

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. Or send me an email using the form on the right.  Only my eyes will see the email, so please reach out and share your truth. I will do my best to get back in touch. I love updates from all of you, so don't hesitate to send me a note with an update of your journey.

XO

Kathryn

PilgrimageGal

Photo Credit:

pixabay

Transitions and Making Happiness...

My fellow Pilgrims how I have missed all of you.  I have felt your prayers, love and good wishes across the miles and in my heart. I'm here; not settled, but safely here! We moved into our rental home November 15th and have begun the painstaking challenge of unpacking.

So let's recap...

The transition West has been flawless. Flawless doesn't mean there weren't problems, but what it means is we handled them with smiles, shaking of heads and tons of laughs. Jeff threw his back-out after getting the stomach flu. Just picture my sweetie, all 6'6" of him on the bath floor, dry heaving in the toilet and throwing his back out in the process... So my first time driving in California, was the 1.5 hour drive from his Sister's to our hotel in Santa Barbara. The day that the movers arrived (the 16th); it was my turn to be sick and I spent the day being useless. At one point the movers were moving boxes around me, while I was sleeping on the mattress on the floor. I was so nauseous, I didn't eat for days. Just sipped soda and Gatorade.

It is these moments my dear friend calls, "the black cloud of the Ferg's."  I can't help but laugh.The last time Jeff and I moved, I was pregnant with Norah, and was vomiting into the bushes at the old house. Attractive right?  So I told Jeff it's a sign, next time we move, I'm checking into a hotel the day we are moving, I will have a spa day; because vomiting is not my idea of a good time! Clearly it is a sign that the stress is too much. Let's be honest, moving is overwhelming and the word "overwhelming" doesn't seem sufficient to describe the magnitude of this change.

With that excitement, I began my new life in Santa Barbara. I assume just like everyone does, taking anti-nausea meds, drinking tea, eating dry toast and get to the getting. I had a great piece of advice from my Hawaiian Beauty, the wife of a Coast Guard officer she has moved more times than some girls have boots. She told me to schedule a day to lose it... I termed it "nervous breakdown day."  It is the day that everything is too much, where you sit in your jammies, eat chocolate and use my favorite curse word. So I took her advice and scheduled mine.  I was delighted that when the day came, I felt so great, that instead I took the day off. I treated myself and didn't feel guilty. I delighted in my special day!  I got a pedi and bought new make-up, along with some foundation (my skin is crazy dry here), and picked up a couple of t-shirts and a sweater.

As a wife and mother, I'm doing it all. We lived with my sister-in-law for over a week, and then in a hotel for over two; while Jeffrey was traveling 3 or more days each week. So I'm in a new city, new school, living in a hotel with no kitchen or restaurant, making PB&J's next to the mini-bar for school lunch, all while using the KEURIG to make instant oatmeal for dinner. We called it fancy camping, that was how I sold the fold out sofa bed to the Beauties.  Don't get me wrong these are the life full of

First World

problems. Through it all, it was super important for me to take care of myself, in whatever way was going to comfort me. Life was/is a little wacky!

Tip 1: Make time to shop or have a nervous breakdown or both.

The transition to the Beauties school was fantastic. Here's why. In the lead up to our move, I spent a month contacting the Head of Special Education, I was not only on her radar, I was on the districts too. I was pleasant, polite and inquisitive. I wanted to know how things rolled out here, a much smaller district, and I wasn't about to lose any services in transition. So I wanted to be informed and educated to better advocate for the Beauties. That way, when we sat down with the school team, we knew what to expect and were ready to advocate from a place that was informed and well researched. I also wanted everyone at the table to be heard and feel respected. So the meetings went well, services are different here, but just as wonderful for our family.   I also pulled out my secret weapon: I have a deep bench filled with folks who wear lots of hats for TeamFergie. One of our most trusted, is the Beauties Maryland School Psychologist;  I love a brilliant woman who also supports my love of good chocolate as a food group. We talked about our expectations for the new school, my fears for the children; she graciously contacted her counterpart here and they discussed all things Ferguson. Two professionals sharing information on my family; for some that is scary, for me it is a relief. I tell folks all the time... share your truth and you have no worries. All our foolishness is out; we have no secrets. So there is nothing that could be said that I don't know or would be afraid to discuss. That way, the new school has a really good sense from both sides, the schools and ours.

Tip: 2 Be open, it is the best thing you can do for your family.

I asked both the children what has made the move easy. They both had interesting responses, Norah loved that we dropped in treats along the way. We went to Disneyland (life-altering treat), we left boxes and headed to the beach to play, we ignored laundry to watch the Beauties swim in the heated pool at the hotel, we ate enormous amounts of ice cream for dinner to celebrate the first day of school.  Both Beauties got a welcome to California present when they arrived. Norah's was new duvet cover for her room and Ian got a sought after Lego set.  Both gifts were designed to make their new rooms special. It was strategic and planned in advance.  Ian on the other hand, he was comforted that we had oodles of discussions about the move.  We talked about everything and honestly shared that it would be hard. We also gave them both space to fall apart. We sat and listened and even shared what was hard for us.  I was very honest, I shared that my heart was broken to leave; but that the pain of moving was going to be easier because I would be healthier. A healthy mom would always be a happy one! As parents we spend so much time trying to fix everything, but often it's giving the space to mourn that we are teaching a true life skill.  We all have lost something, but we also trust that we will gain more than we lose.

Tip: 3 Let your kids be sad... and then it is your job to guide them to create their own glad.

Clive and transitions.

My other lesson this move has taught me is chronic disease has enabled me to be a superior multi-tasker. I can handle more chaos then most and my ability to tolerate is stronger than many. So the endless things that don't get crossed off the list don't bother me. They bother Jeff. So that totally surprised me, we have been doing this married thing for a while. We have never done the move thing with other people who have needs frankly more important than ours. Jeffrey is a spectacular Dad, and he senses when the four of us are cooked, had enough and need a break. I often want to push on a little further and he wisely tells me when we need to call an activity, a meal or even a conversation; DONE.  It's his gift. So at times during this transition we had to buffer each other a little more than either of us where used to.

Men don't get somethings that-- well matter to girls: shelf paper, a working kitchen... Jeff was very concerned about the printer. Me not so much. I wanted one room DONE. So no matter what other chaos was surrounding me, at least one space was "perfectish." Perfectish is a technical term, I just made up. So you can imagine our fun when on Saturday morning I was sitting at the kitchen table with a box cutter in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other, after he called me in from the garage. Jeff wanted to discuss our "shared priorities". I'm so not making this up.  I can't make any promises, but I  may have burst out laughing while I whispered a very colorful phrase. To which we both broke out into total hysterics. Yep mister, I've got a list. There is no Jeff list. What the heck!!!!! Unbelievable!!!!! So once we referred to rule number one (he follows my list and makes me happy, then later, I'll make him happy...) The unpacking became so much more civilized.  Men are delightfully easy to manage!

Tip: 4 Remind your Husband of rule number one... Unbelievable I know... But it will save you from box cutters and coffee conversations...

Finally, and likely most important, your spirit.

So my Spirit has never shone brighter or been stronger. Why? Because I feed her daily. Some mornings it was just brushing my teeth saying, we have this. Other days it was sitting on the beach staring at the ocean realizing that I was warm in my bones, felt amazing and that it was all God. That He had been walking ahead, paving the way, moving the people into place that we are to embrace, that we touch and who are to touch us. Knowing that the hard days would be easier and that the easy were the days that I was in step with my Spirit.

Tip: 5 Keep that Spirit light on at all times... Feed her.

So that is the latest from the West Coast. I will share more on the other aspects of the journey. My new amazing doctor and where PilgrimageGal is going in 2015. Because I have lots of plans for her!

Namaste

Kathryn

Photo Credits: PilgrimageGal.

PS. If you want to walk this journey with me on a regular basis… The horrible spelling, bad grammar, and punctuation… type your email in above and I will magically pop-up in your inbox…Or find me on Facebook, search for PilgrimageGal and give me a like and a follow.  Finally, your comments, are the best thing going… I love to hear from all of you…. K