Search for Solitude...
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What Solitude Brings…
This week has been busy, busy in that my Irish Prince was home for days with a bad virus. I've struggled for solitude; that place where you hear yourself and you make peace and find a place for the contemplative life.
You see my mind has been clouded by life’s noises… The one that starts with worry, and stress and fatigue. The one that begins whenever my children get sick, really sick like a fever that stays 104 for 5 days sick...
That makes it hard for me to hear my crystal clear voice. It puts me in mama bear mode; ferocious, warrior, and tireless for my children. But, this warrior state is also not sustainable… She has her limits and she may come and go quickly.
So today, Monday, I sit showered, clean and worn down by the to-do list that has gathered dust for two weeks, time that my family needed my warrior side. But, she is now very weak from these battles and susceptible to attack.
In addition, I have also had to wage war on my own health lately, trying to “get-in” to the latest brilliant mind that can help me, the person who can hopefully unlock the mystery that my body continues to hide. The confounding medical issue these days is that finding the right doctor requires a warrior like mentality. Sometimes it really comes down to connections, who you know, who your doctor knows, who will stick their neck out for you… Will they confront colleagues for you and open the doors when someone may be slow to respond?
And here is the dirty little secret of medicine; you have to be smart and tenacious to get great care. You have to engage, question, counter and argue for your health. And you may have never been weaker than you are when you do.
I have an amazing allergist/immunologist; she is a brilliant doctor, a mother and wife. I wish she didn't have to be my doctor, because in another life, I think she would be one of my closest friends… She gets it… And will get in it…
She comes from what some argue is the highest culture the world has ever seen; Persia. I think of her as a Queen, because when she enters the room she carries thousands of years of her exemplary culture in her. She is my warrior, she fights for me and that is why she is my Persian Queen.
My Queen went to bat for me this week, calling the boys’ world of medicine out for not taking care of me. In her regal, calm but decisive way, she let my medical friends know they need to be in it…
Which leads me back to solitude; in English we see this word as dark and sometimes foreboding. But when you return to the Latin or “solus”, it means simply to be alone or single…
Which is what I’m seeking when I use the word solitude. We all need moments of silence. We have to carve out the time, create space in our life for a little alone time… Make room to listen.
To hear our own heartbeat, to breath, to quiet our criticism of ourselves.
When we turn off this world and connect with ourselves and our Creator, we truly find peace and a path for the future.
Peace be with you…