Three Generations...
(Back when I could go to the beach.)
Happy Spring...
I have used this Lent as an opportunity to review the last year, and it reminds me how much I love Easter; the chance for rebirth, renewal, of hope.
Lent offered a time for blogging reflection, to see how this whole exercise has changed me and my relationships...
Lately, I have had some of the loveliest talks with my Mom. We got away for a perfect lunch and I just delighted in her company. Maybe I'm the one who is finally becoming an adult at the ripe old age of 42. For the longest time, I was under the impression that the whole blogging thing was too much Irish for her German soul to handle. But, I was wrong, like so many things about my Mom. She is so mysterious to me, now more than ever...
You see, parenting is really hard and I'm learning that grown-up parenting is way harder than navigating the "he touched me" or "Mom, she is so annoying; the way she constantly talks, can't I please have a moment of peace." The real question is, which Mother was hearing these comments... My Mom in the 70's or what I heard today? Scary, the answer is both... HOLY CATs and DOGs!... The irony... God your sense of humor is not funny... Seriously...
But, back to my Mom, she has always been my biggest fan, and has told me so. But, she hurt my feelings early on with the blog. I wrote what I thought was a love letter about my
(her mom) and she read it and well she didn't love it... So immediately, I'm all on defense, getting my Irish-up. We didn't discuss the blog for a long time. Several months later, I broke down and showed her another post... And she loved it... And I was 7 yrs old again looking for approval and wondering, why this time and not that other one...
And then she sprang it on me...
Basically, she told me that she never realized that writing was one of my gifts. My writing was too much for her, the reality of my pain and struggles...Well they hit too close... But, she explained that I had developed this voice, because of my illness, and I was writing in-spite of my illness; and oh by the way, I had tapped into this from a place of physical pain and made it beautiful... And she was so proud of me...
Well, you could have knocked me over with that one... This conversation continued for two or three talks where Mom shared how my writing has touched her... Again, in my narcissism, I never saw that coming... Never...
And what made our conversations so powerful, was how right she was... About everything. I have become more open, vulnerable, honest... This space has given me a peacefulness that I have never had... An opportunity to pray, via my words, to share my spirit and to feel the presence of Christ in a different way...
That is what this exercise has given me... Peacefulness...
You see my illness has changed me so profoundly...
We all have heard stories about some people who lose a sense and then the other senses become keener and more aware... Maybe that is what I am learning. My body is failing me completely, but it has given my mind, spirit and heart the ability to love better... To see clearly...
No surprise that the woman who spends so many sleepless nights worrying about her daughter is the one who sees me so brilliantly...
I love you so much Mom... Thank you, for all the beauty in your life lessons...
Forever yours,
Kathryn