Let Your Inner Lion Roar
photo credit: Alan Lucas | Dreamstime.com
Why depression and anxiety can’t live with a Lion…
So when this last flare rolled in, I was not ready for it and didn't see it coming… I just realized I had no energy and something wasn't right… And I was blue, down for no real reason and I started to worry, am I depressed? Was this a new wrinkle, a new symptom?
I know the literature says people with chronic health issues are more likely to suffer from mental health issues with depression often leading the party…
Now don’t get me wrong, I have had periods of what I think is fair to call depression, since suffering from this foolishness… I’m Irish, have a long history of people on both sides of my clan, who shall we say, used alcohol as a life strategy…
And while alcohol has never been an issue for me, the episodes of depression have come on occasion, but for me have thankfully been very brief and always have come in the winter, when it’s been flipping cold and I’m trapped inside. You mix cold, me, bronchitis, poor breathing, bad pain, cabin fever and tons of prednisone and nasty cough syrup and you don’t have a well-rounded girl…
When this happens, I immediately, call on my doctors; and my wellness guide/spiritual advisor/medical advisor/mental health sounding board, all rolled into my therapist. She helps me manage the periods and thankfully the episodes have rolled out as quickly as they roll in.
But the truth be told, I’m an anxiety girl.
You know the worry thing, as women and mothers, we all have it. I think they go together. You could be a girl that never had a moment of anxiety and the second that pregnancy stick changes colors, you are screwed...
I have shared that I struggle with the “Good Enough Phenomenon.” You know that internal dialogue that can de-rail your day or your life depending on how much time you have.
It begins with my all-star rotation: Am I smart enough, thin enough, witty enough, good enough to be married to my beautiful prince of a husband, I don’t deserve him, am I just faking this whole disease thing in my head for attention, could I be doing more to be healthy?
And my biggest worry: am I good enough mother, what could I be doing to be a better Mom to these beauties.
I've come to learn that these are the LIES of anxiety. These are the biggest parts of our soul; some of the things we are actually best at are the things that haunt us….
And, haunt us they do….and then we are naked and exposed for the whole world to see. The evilness of anxiety just gets in and takes over and you get to the point that it almost paralyzes you. The longer you make room for anxiety, the more of a bad house guest it becomes…
It takes over more of your beautiful home and that beautiful, clear voice that you have in your soul? Well it gets quieter… You can’t hear her… Until she grows silent… And that is when you are in real trouble, because you have lost your voice… You have damaged your soul…
You have lost the uniqueness that makes you strong, beautiful and unstoppable…
For women I think it happens so gradually that we don’t even notice at first. We are so busy, running, loving, sharing, giving, nurturing, that we forget ourselves. We put off; we neglect ourselves, neglect our truth, and lose our voice…
My dear friend, my California Beauty (CB), brilliant, amazing and the girl I would so go over the cliff with… We have a contract with each other. I’m not sure when we signed it, we just did.
We are each other’s professional, personal, spiritual and honest girlfriend... We are also each other’s-safety rope…. When we met, it was because of our kids, but we are each other’s real deal. We speak each-others truth… We are each married to a sweet, smart, hot, introvert and well we are not introverts. And we love our husbands; we are fearless Mama Bears and we have a host of similar life experiences…
I think that’s what makes us unique soul-sisters….
What does that mean? It means we hold hands, and jump through, slam, crash, and break, mangle, and tell our comfort zone to “suck-it”! Destroying our comfort zone… It means we reassure each other when we need to step out of the box. To be honest, she does it way more for me than I have ever done for her. I think I have done it for her maybe once or twice.
She was the girl, who got me to “come-out” about my blog; she is the one I call when I worry, when the anxiety creeps in, when my voice is hard to hear…
When the anxiety tries to take over, I call my girl; because she is the one who says you are: “Unstoppable, you are beautiful, trust that voice, you have to speak your truth, you can do it… I believe in you… and by the way, I’m driving, the heat seat is on, get some lip-gloss, we are going...” I’m not kidding, and she shows up… we go…
Can I just say, I have lost track of how many times…
And you know what? I feel all of those things, not as strongly as she does about me, when my voice is a little shaky; it is nice to have a little push…
I trust her… I mean seriously, I’m willing to go over the cliff with this girl. And Jeff would say, “Fine”, he trusts her and loves her that much too.
Whenever I say her name, he says “go”, no matter how crazy the idea.
But, here’s the thing, every time you smash your comfort zone, I mean really smash it, EVERYTIME, your true voice gets louder and it gets stronger and you trust it more and the flipping anxiety loses another room in your house. It loses another part of your soul; it just gets shoved out the door.
This is what I know for sure. Anxiety is NEVER good, it never helps, and it never makes you better, it just steals, robs, lies, manipulates….
And let me tell you, anxiety has driven me to throw-up, it has made me cry, it makes me shake, and it has kept me up at night….and question. Question myself…
Anxiety has never given me confidence, never made me push through, dig deeper... It has tried to rob me of my dreams….it never told me, YES, YES, YES, I can do that! Not once...
But my little voice has…. And she is starting to quietly, roar…
Oh yes, yes she is… You go girl!
Find your beautiful, tall, strong, unstoppable, voice and let her roar…
For the entire world to see.
She is your lion. She is your truth…
Namaste… The divine in me bows to the divine in you… Always….