From Grumpy to Grace

The body of Christ...

I've been grumpy all week. Miserably grumpy. I'm not sure why, and that in itself makes me grumpy. I think all Mom's go through this, the end of the school year, and o'my we have a whole summer staring at one another.  No matter how much of a rock star we are, the inevitable, "I'm bored," will roll off someone's tongue and not one mother among us takes it well. That on top of the broken washing machine that destroyed my favorite sweater. Why not on my children's disgusting socks? Grrrr. You can feel my angst.

But, enough about me. A few weeks ago while at church the Franciscan that celebrated our mass was someone I didn't know. While in the church office, I asked his name. Turns out that the priest was Father Kenan Osborne.  He is a religious scholar, former president of the Catholic Theological Society of America, author of dozens of books and articles. As far as theologians go, he is a rock star.

I have a secret passion. I read religious scholarly articles and books for fun. I know it's one of my quirks. I love the gossip rag Daily Mail out of London too. I take Kim Kardashian with almost as much interest as I do the Council of Nicaea which was held in 325. What can I say, I'm complicated. Back to the scholarly stuff. I love the footnotes, the references to obscure councils and documents, the whole bit.  I will read on any faith. Recently I devoured a fascinating treatise on Islam. Amazing, authored by a divinity scholar from Harvard.

As a post Vatican II child of the church; I have delighted in reading the radical ideas from some of my faith's most intelligent minds. I have also delighted in reading many documents that are far from my ideological view that I dive deeper to understand their ideas and truth. If you can construct a good argument, I want to hear your points. It only makes my truth more concrete and my arguments better. So to say I'm a religious scholar geek would be an understatement.

So today while we were rolling into mass in our usual Team Fergie hot messiness. The lovely Father Kenan stopped Norah. He spoke directly to her, asking her her name, how old she was and who she brought to mass. Norah then turned and introduced me. I gulped big and geek-ed out. Telling Fr. Kenan that I was reading his book on Sacramental Theology and had so many questions. He then explained that he had a new book out on 50 years since Vatican II.  I smiled like I was in a candy store. I explained that I would score the book from Amazon today, and then he touched my soul. He told me to read the book and then to give him a call so that we could discuss the book. ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME!?!?!

Here's why Fr. Kenan touches my soul. He is one of those folks who when you look at him you see light, that shining beacon. He draws you in. You want to hear every story, every detail. Every thought in his head. I want to see the God he sees because that God is filled with so much love you see the light hitting the ground around him.

We have been attending mass in the Franciscan's chapel, its where the priests have their private prayers. It is not a chapel that is normally open to the public, but as parishioners they offer a family mass. And this mass is a hot mess. Kids falling out of pews, talking, singing, carrying their stuffed animals and sippy cups. It's noisy, in a beautiful faith filled messy way. I have always loved family mass, but I will admit that when my Beauties were little... we got some hairy eyeballs during the mass. Which always hurt me. We have all been there, and for some of us it felt like we would never get past those years. My children were good in Church, because if they weren't we were in a cry room or outside. If only we could have gone to this church then.  This mass is for these beautiful children.

The children are the greeters, take up the collections, are the ushers too!

But what touched me most was the consecration.  The most sacred part of the mass in our tradition is at the consecration when the bread becomes Christ's body and blood. The priest holds the bread and wine, sharing old and sacred prayers. It's always moving, but today it made me ugly cry. In 99% of Catholic Churches you are on your knees, watching a priest perform the ritual. It's solemn, formal and set apart from the congregation.

But, today it was different:  Fr. Kenan called all the children forward around the altar and he asked the children to extend their hand over the bread and wine during consecration. So Norah was one of the oldest standing at the altar. Siblings holding younger hands, some stuffed animals were in one hand while the other was extended, in all a dozen or more children aged 2 to 9.  Picture it, all these little heads that were just peeking over the edge of the altar and standing on tip-toes to be witnesses to faith. If the chapel had been in total darkness, these little faces would have been able to light the entire church.  It took my breath away; I was witness, participant and present. These little hands holding up, praying and sharing love and Fr. Kenan sharing what we have been doing for thousands of years, breaking of the bread and wine.

Father Kenan, in his 80's, world renowned author, retired "in-residence", could be resting on his laurels, but there he is, up on the altar, surrounded by children, bringing light into the world.

It is a moment when you stop in your tracks and say. Yep this is why I'm all in. I believe and I'm so grateful for my faith.

It's meeting the face of God in others.

Today in-spite of my grumpiness, in-spite of my ruined sweater, I witnessed my daughter and the other children, shine the light of faith on me.  I was also reminded that the love and kindness of one person can touch so many.

Thank you Father Kenan Osborne.

I'm ordering a book from amazon and leaving my grumpy at the door of the chapel.

I saw the face of God in a bunch of people today... and that makes this Sunday fantastic.

Peace be with you,

Kathryn

PilgrimageGal

Photo Credit:

Pixabay

What is Service?...

Sometimes you just got to put in the effort...

I always find it interesting to talk to folks about what is volunteering and what is service.

We all know people who are super volunteers. They have energy that is unwavering and a call to make this world better, and frankly we would be lost without them. We all have these amazing people in our communities who single handily run the events at school, church, community and look amazing. Their kiddos are well dressed, hair perfect and never forget an appointment or responsibility.

I'm not that girl...

I don't know about you, but every so often I get a pang of anxiety about what I'm NOT doing. In a world of busy folks, my plate is often not as full as others. But what I do know is that in my own quiet way, I'm doing service for my family. How you ask?

I keep up appearances.

For the last month, I have had more bad days than good. The bad days have annoyed me to no end. Two rounds of antibiotics to wipe out a simple strep infection has been brutal. The accompanying nausea has had me in bed more than out.

Which means, Jeff is running the show. I have tried to stay aware of our life. Schedules, Jeff's travel and you know the basics of keeping people alive. One of the toughest times of the year for busy families is the end of the school year. It is absolutely, nothing like when we were kids. Between the concerts, plays, living wax museums, countless assemblies, field trips, parent lunches, faculty lunches, planning summer camps, swim lessons, and on and on...  All parents know this is the worst time to not feel well. The end of the school year has more bells and whistles than any preschoolers birthday party!

My people want my face at every single event. Sometimes that is just not possible. When I can, well it comes with expectations.

I may have missed it, but they sent me a selfie...

I missed the school spring concert here on the first round of antibiotics. Jeffrey and I were of very different minds on the concert. I get an ache in my soul when my favorite faces are disappointed by my health. I've talked before about how I

prioritize my week

. On Sunday, Jeff and I review what we have going on, travel schedules, appointments, obligations, fun plans, the Beauties lives--all of it gets tossed on the table for review. Then we talk it out. Sometimes this is a quick conversation over coffee, other times it's a painful one for me. I want to do everything, be everywhere and love every moment. But, this body on her most perfect day can't do half of it. We plan, we make game day decisions, and make it work as best we can.

Which gets me to my brand of service. At this point in my life it is all about taking the best care of my family. My favorite line, "I would love to say yes, but I have to say no," with the biggest smile and bless your heart face ever. My service is taking care of these Beauties and my Beloved. If I can barely get dressed, how on Earth (and why on Earth) would I try to do anything else. (And o'ps and by the way, you owe no one an explanation as to why you say no.)

This has been how we have triaged the last month of our dance. With a couple of exceptions, I have only showered and dressed for two reasons. To attend Mass and to attend the Beauties' programs. I can't recall a time in my life where I have showered less and needed to more.

When I do score that elusive shower, it comes with the expectation that I will look amazing with a full face of make-up. I literately threw out all but one of my lipsticks, lip gloss and chap-stick. Any product that I suspected had strep... gone.  On Monday, I met a new friend for a cup of tea, the location was no coincidence. I needed to run into the department store next to the tea shop for cosmetics.

I have learned one thing on this journey, I dress for others. It has taken me time to learn this fact. But it matters to my Beauties, it's how they can sigh and remind themselves, "she is going to be OK. Mom looks good." Each and every time I have made an outing in the last month, I have been dressed up and had a full face of make-up.  I'm a yoga pants and pony tail girl in my heart and Jeffrey loves that girl.  But, others in my family and those I love most, sometimes need more. They need me looking my best or they worry. So every time I make an appearance, I try to look good. Because it does take effort and if you are making an effort it means you well feel good! Right?

So I deliver, no matter how I feel, if I'm going out in public my appearance matters.

So this week, during one of my appearances at school, I laid eyes on both my Beauties and ran into a friend. My friend smiled the knowing smile and she said, "Good for you Kathryn, you have your game face on. You only have a few minutes left." It gave me that last little boost to make it through. Norah said earlier, "You look good mom. Glad you have that diet coke to give you some energy. It means everything that you made it." And she gave me one of those hugs that makes my heart skip. The one that reminds me... this is why we push on when it's tough.

Because it does matter, each and every event. Each and every moment that we suck-it up and make it work for others, matters more then we can know.

My service may be small but that doesn't mean it isn't as important as our super volunteers. My service is what these Beauties need to feel secure, happy and successful in their life, in their world, for their future.

That is just the service I'm happy to contribute!

So as you plan your summer, please keep in your heart and mind what your service plan looks like. Being busy is not an excuse for not being present.

Open your heart and spirit to what you are called to do. I promise when you follow your path and not others, you will find joy and peace.

Peace be with you.

Kathryn

PilgrimageGal

Photo Credits:

Pixabay

and Mr. PilgrimageGal