I have bright blue finger nails... Bright blue! I'm a red girl, sometimes pink but never bright blue. My nail color is a result of my Beauties. They seemed to think I was a wee bit predictable--I showed them!
Getting a manicure has become part of my life in California. Perhaps it's the year around flip-flops, or just an adjustment to life out West. I'm a life long biter and peeler, so when I woke one morning to find my cuticles bleeding, I knew I needed a change. I was picking my nails in my sleep. Next I will be pulling out my hair thanks to stress! I needed to turn a stress-er into a relaxing treat. My nail appointments are just that. What makes nails fun is that they are easy to change--the owner of the salon Kathy and my Beauties pick the color. All summer I have been wearing bright unique shades of color.
I know there are oodles of you out there who may think this is a bad idea. The cost, the chemicals. Maybe true. But, the main reason I do my nails is psychological. It is the one thing that I do that reminds me, I'm still me. My nails are the only place I can hide my illness; it's the only place that has been spared. Every other part of my body has a telltale scar.
My illness owns this body, but not my spirit. And not my nails! Nope they dazzle and impress.
Even today, my body is waning under the pressure of inflammation, but my nails are stunning. Last night Jeff administered my monthly shot and the next day I like to do nothing. Frankly my body wants me to do nothing. Today, I needed an excuse to get out of bed. Sometimes mentally you need to fight the urge to stay in bed. It can be a difficult choice, risk a flare over the mental health need to see the world. Jeff had the worry face, and he even said, "I think you should stay in bed, you look tired, you slept in and I want you to rest. BUT, if you need to go out and do your nails, I will support you."
I know... I wish I could clone him for all of you.
I rolled out of bed into some cleanish clothes, that hid my unshaven legs, and nasty hair, and put on my Jackie O sunglasses and watched Ian and Norah swim. I love those moments when I get to sit back and bask in my life. Delighting in my family and just get to "be". Since driving is out of the question today, Jeff dropped me off so Kathy could make my nails look lovely.
I try and force myself to be uncomfortable at least once every day. I would never pick blue for myself, the first day it shocks me. But, as the weeks progress, the blue becomes integrated and accepted. Just like I have done with the rest of me. I have a place of acceptance.
When I share that I force myself to be uncomfortable, let's be clear, I'm not talking about dangerous and risky behavior. No, I'm talking about the self imposed construct that we have placed on ourselves that says, "I don't do that." The ruts we sometimes find ourselves in.
I don't do blue nails... but why? I didn't have a good reason. Blue nails are silly, sassy and for the next two weeks they are me! Because if I'm not willing to try blue nails perhaps they are masking other opportunities in my life where I say, "I don't do that." It also allows me the opportunity to let go. Let go of the control that I tell myself foolishly, I need to have. It pushes me. It challenges me. My hope is within that challenge, I will learn, grow and change.
The blue nails remind me to send that email or make that phone call to introduce myself. To make connections that I would normally make excuses to avoid. Everyday, I'm forcing myself to try something new, meet a new person, extend my hand to someone who may need my support.
What will push you to make the world a better place, to make a new friend, or more importantly to make you the best version of yourself?
Perhaps blue finger nails won't be your diving board to the deep end of the pool...
But, maybe it will give you a gentle nudge--If not, what will?
xo,
Kathryn
PilgrimageGal
Thank you for walking with me this week and always. I do use social media to keep in touch. You are welcome to find me on
,
or comment below. I personally answer all my correspondence...and I'm always glad to meet another traveler. xo
Photo Credit: PilgrimageGal